I’m going to get personal here and admit that I’m crap at conflict. At the first sign of opposition from anyone I remotely respect I just want to roll over and say ‘Okay, you’re right and I’m wrong’. This is not because I actually BELIEVE they’re right and I’m wrong, it’s that I want peace and harmony and I don’t want anyone to get cross with me. Oh, I can have a go at the woman at Sainsbury’s who’s messed up my order, but even then I find myself saying ‘I know it’s not your fault, but ...’ and checking the person still likes me when I hang up.

This is not a good way to function in the real world. Being difficult, stubborn or belligerent isn’t a good way either, but there’s a happy medium between surrendering your guns and firing bullets all over the place. I have just never found it. I often think I should just hide under my duvet with my laptop, but not internet, because using internet means communicating and potentially upsetting someone.

 

Last night I went to hear ‘North and South’ some debate and readings from Wendy Cope, Jackie Kay, Sophie Hannah, Paul Farley and Kit Wright. They talked about their origins, how they felt about where they came from, whether they identified with place. These were feisty poets, not afraid of controversy, not afraid of expressing and opinion. Sophie Hannah, for instance said she was deeply suspicious of anyone who identified with a place, thinking it meant they were less of a whole person. She said this in front of Paul Farley who writes forever about Liverpool and has been quoted as saying that he often occupies a ‘Liverpool of the mind’. Was Ms Hannah afraid of stepping on the toes of Mr Farley? I don’t think she gave a toss. I don’t think it even occurred to her to temper her comments as he was sitting next to her. Whereas it probably would have been the first thing that might have occurred to me had I been in her position.

 

I have always been a peacemaker. My mother said I was a born diplomat, but it’s exhausting for me avoiding conflict, and equally exhausting trying to deal with it.

 

The poetry world, like any other world, is full of it too. Full of big, fragile egos and strong opinions. The question is, when will I stop trying to second-guess people and just stand my ground? I bloody hate politics. Why can’t we all just hug and praise each other all the time and sort out conflicts with love and peace in our hearts? Oh, hang on, that’s when you get to heaven, isn’t it? Life’s a vale of tears and all the harmony comes in the afterlife, they tell us. That would be fine if I believed in an afterlife.

 

Ah well. I was cheered to go and see ‘Hotel for Dogs’ which ended with extreme peace and harmony, obstacles overcome, and dreams full realised. Aha. That’s why I love fiction. Everything is resolvable.

 

Have a good week.